What a blip in the time space continuum that we have all lived through this year. Its one of those years that will mark a major shift. Not a shift all at once, for it has been written by many hands with many different intentions for a long while, but the outward expression that marked the energy into active and observable motion. I feel honored to be part of it and am beginning to understand my greater purpose in it. But I have also felt angry, confused, lost, alone, sad, grief, longing, avoidant, and every other emotion on the list. Navigating and surrendering through these emotions have brought me to thoughts of Birth and Death. I have been alongside multiple people as they transitioned out of the physical plane and many mothers and families as they transitioned new life into the physical domain. There are many similarities in the process of life- the most natural processes, yet some of the most misunderstood and feared.
In death, from an elderly body fading out or illness, I have not had to sit with human death through trauma (only animal), bearing witness to the body slowly lose its vitality is truly a gift. Its sacred and holy because its watching a once robust and strong being become their most fragile and vulnerable and as a doula for them, holding them in loving, tender care is an honor. You watch as their body fades in capacity and how their mind floats between. They can't communicate but once brilliant, quick minds are still aware if not completely lucid. You can't chart exactly when they float in or out, or if float is even the manner of which it exists. But you watch as it shifts out from under them. How their body, still heavy in bones bruises from the difficulty of picking and moving them to maintain cleanliness and pain. Can they feel that? How do they feel that? You listen as they yell in lucidity and wonder where they're tapped in. Somewhere close to us but also beyond. What is it like there? One thing I have witnessed it that the spirit hears you. It knows when its said its goodbyes. It knows when you give it permission to go. My stepfather took his last breaths with a mouth wide open in front of near 10 people watching and holding space. After his last breath my mother tried to close his jaw, and it wouldn't budge. All of us witnessed this. A few moments later, after we dispersed and called our people or walked outside for air to digest the monumental moment we watched, we came back to him to notice not only was his mouth closed but it was turned up in a smile. After his death, and his hospice nurse declared him dead. After almost a dozen people saw it stiff and stuck open. The spirit lingered as it transitioned and sent us a message of calm thereafter. That was for us. And it settled me with his parting ever since.
In birth, before the pushing stage begins and your baby crowns through the canal in a ring of fire, there is what is called "transition." It is often when mothers feel as if they cannot do it any longer. It is the time in which it all feels too big, too much, too impossible of a fete to accomplish. That is when you know you are almost there. It looks different on every woman and every birth, surely part of the karmic dance of mother and child, lineage and history. But its the dark portal before the sunrise.
I feel as if these moments, the in between stages before death settles in and before life takes breath, is where we are. Somewhere between when baby is in wet, warm sac and gliding from vaginal canal into gloved hands. Between non breath and breath. Between last breath and smile. Thats where we are.
In the ugly, yelling, bloody, seems insurmountable pain, shaking, swollen and sunken. As a nation, as a human race, as an earthly crew. We are in the transition.
Metaphysically if we understand how energy works we can see 2 things (among many):
1. that to every action there is always an equal reaction. We have watched the divine goddess rise, a reconnection to earth, a connection to our ancestors and ancestral ways, health kicks and wellness, intuition and empathy rising, shadow work being discussed, etc all rising in huge droves in recent years- to the point where they've become trendy. The opposite reaction? The strong push towards everything being scientific and modern medicine being our saviors. Vaccines being our answers to health. A split between the two parties of people, creating a gaping farce of duality.
2. that if enough of us hold the frequency we can create with it. WE are the energy. That is why so many tactics and agendas are geared towards manipulating our emotions, fears, hopes, and energy to create what they want. BUT WE ARE THE CREATORS. If we hold the vision for what is on the other side of the transition we have more power than we realize. But we have to be aware. We have to know that on the other side it can be so good we smile after death. On the other side we nurse a sweet life from our bosom. We have to have enough energetic sovereignty to hold our own frequency. We must not be swayed by powers outside of us.
Can we do it? I am working on my own energy every day; not by avoiding bad things and emotions that are hard. But by facing them, swimming in them, but recognizing that even the big shark hiding in the deep can only swallow me and take me to the next level of my existence. Its game time. I love you.